


Cursed Heart

by KaylaAnne2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean is a Good Brother, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam deserves love, Sam thinks he doesn't deserve love, Season 14 Spoilers, post-season 14, side destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaAnne2/pseuds/KaylaAnne2
Summary: Sam believes that he has a cursed heart, that he was never meant to have love because everyone he loves ends up dying. Can Gabriel help him change his mind?





	Cursed Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: implicit depression
> 
> If I missed any warnings, make sure to shoot me a comment, please and thank you! Otherwise, enjoy the fic! :)

Sam now expects anyone that claims his heart to die.

It began with Jess, just before he was going to propose, a mere week before he was going to take her out to fireworks and get on one knee and finally be unconditionally happy; he now remembers only the fire surrounding her body and the cries for help he couldn’t answer.

Then it was Madison. He finally allowed himself to relax, to open his heart again after Jess, to seek the comfort of a warm, caring body; he now remembers only the light fading from her eyes as he squeezed the trigger due to her own pleas to remain pure and kind, to be free from the horrors of lycanthropy.

He thought it might just be women, so he allowed his little crush on Gabriel, allowed himself to laugh at the Trickster’s jokes, allowed himself to hope even after the hell he was put through, even after learning about Gabriel actually being an archangel and not Loki at all; he now remembers only the look of betrayal as Gabriel’s own brother, Lucifer, stabbed him because he was willing to sacrifice himself for the Winchester brothers in apology.

Sam then stupidly let himself fall for the deaf beauty, Eileen, who understood him in ways no one else had before, who trusted him when she trusted no one else, who seemed to know exactly when he needed someone to talk to; he now remembers only her torn up body that he wasn’t there to save when he should have been because he should have just known.

And when Gabriel came back, shivering and scared yet still trusting Sam, his stupid heart beat for him again; he now remembers only the same look of betrayal as before as Gabriel’s other brother, Michael, stabbed him with the blade as he sacrificed himself, yet again, for the Winchester brothers after protecting Sam the whole time in the apocalypse world to the best of his ability.

Now Sam keeps his heart closed off, forbidding it to beat, forbidding his cursed heart to be claimed by anyone because he’s not sure if he could take anyone else he loves dying because of him, because they trusted him.

So when Gabriel appeared once more with Jack in his arms and Cas on his back as they step away from the Empty, Sam gives Gabriel clothes, he offers him a room, and he tucks him in, but he keeps his heart kept in lock and key.

He ignored the jealousy as Dean and Cas cuddle on the couch - them finally confessing their feelings being what sent Cas into the Empty in the first place - and as they refuse to waste any more years being apart.

Jack recovers quickly and takes on the role of helping his ‘Uncle Gabe’ recover (Sam ignores the slight pain in his chest at the nickname only he used before).

Sam decides that he isn’t needed anymore and so he locks himself into his room and he writes out his pain and loss, apologizing to everyone he let die and put it into words to make it real. Pretty soon, Sam can’t stand to be in a bunker full of love since he doesn’t belong, so he packs his bags and leaves in one of the cars from the garage after leaving a note for the four family members in the bunker. He isn’t sure anyone will notice it since Dean was the only one to talk to him in weeks, and only then he merely offered food. No one will care.

Sam’s not sure where he ended up, but he found an okay-looking motel to crash for a while as he finally lets himself fall, only getting up for bathroom breaks and food. He ignores his phone that chimed more and more as the days pass, eventually throwing it across the room and shattering it against the wall.

It isn’t until about three days after leaving the bunker that a knock comes on his door. Assuming it to be housekeeping, he opens the door to tell them to go away, only to be greeted by wide golden-hazel eyes that light up in relief at the sight of Sam.

“Oh, thank  _ dad _ ,” Gabriel exclaims, barging into the room, closing the door, and wagging his finger at Sam. “Do you realize how worried I- how worried we all were? You can’t just up and leave with only a note saying not to worry and that you won’t be returning, Sammy-boy. I didn’t know if I should be looking for a body because your stupid ass won’t just come talk to me. Instead you leave, you dick, and expect us not to care? Well, listen here bucko, we all care because you are what holds us together, Sam. You’re not broken so stop trying to convince everyone that you are!”

Sam had turned away halfway through the rant as his heart undid the lock and key without permission, without warning. He hears Gabriel’s heaving breaths after the speech, but Sam stays silent.

“Come on, kiddo, why did you really leave?” Gabriel asks, quieter this time. Sam feels a gentle hand on his back and jumps, rushing to the bed to sit down and hide his face. He feels the bed dip on the other side, but he stays where he is.

“Sam?” Gabriel prompts again.

“Because everyone that I love dies and you’re all finally happy and I can’t ruin that!” Sam blurts out, realizing wet on his cheeks, but ignoring it.

“They don’t- not because of you, Sam.”

“Yes, they do. Jess, Madison, you, Eileen, you fucking  _ again _ . Hell, even Dean and Cas and Jack died. Oh, and Mom and Dad. Mom, twice! They all die.”

“Not because of you, kiddo,” Gabe explains, pausing for a moment before continuing, as if choosing his words very carefully. “I’m not sure the reason and it should never have been you going through all this pain, but I died to give you a chance because you deserve it. That’s my choice, Samoose, not because of your cursed heart or whatever you’ve convinced yourself.”

“Gabe-”

“And you should never punish yourself because you love someone.”

“Shit,” Same realizes what he admitted to, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“What? Mean to admit that you love me? I love you, too, you overgrown Moose.”

“But, you’re an...an...”

“Archangel? Yeah, not anymore, kiddo. Had to give up something to save my brother and nephew. And to get back to you. Worth it, so don’t you dare blame yourself for that. My decision.”

“Gabe-”

“Stop, Sam. It’s okay,” Sam accepts the hand rubbing his back and looks over at Gabe who kisses off the tears that had fallen. “Now I’m going to call your squirrel of a worried brother and his boyfriend and you are going to come back home with us where we can properly christen the bed with my - hopefully - new boyfriend.”

Sam can’t help the smile on his face. “Okay.”

And he kisses Gabe, quick and light, but it sealed his fate. Maybe the curse would be broken. Maybe this time it will work. Because his heart wouldn’t be able to take any more death from the ones he loves.

\--

When Dean opens the door to the motel, Sam expects to be yelled at, but Dean stays silent, just pulling his baby brother into a hug. Sam is surprised to find him trembling, to feel the shaky breaths of his brother.

“Sammy, you know I- you know I-”

“Yeah, Dean, I know,” Sam mumbles, but Dean shakes his head.

“No, no you don't. I need to get better at this. You're my little brother and I love you. I got so consumed with Cas that I didn't realize you were hurting. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay-”

“No, clearly it wasn't. I should have done better to realize...to…”

Sam hold his brother tighter and lets a few tears fall. Sam heaves breaths and curls tighter and tighter, taking comfort in his brother's arms

“Thank you,” Sam whispers, trying to control himself. He takes some deep breaths and Dean rubs his back like he used to when they were younger. Dean pulls back and smiles at his brother, trying to surreptitiously wipe his eyes.

Sam notices Cas over his brother's shoulder and notices the angel move closer, pulling Sam into an embrace, shorter than Dean's, but a hug all the same.

“I believe that I must apologize as well. You are my friend and as such, I should not have ignored you in my own ignorance. I promise to do better in the future because you are very much needed,” Cas says with the utmost sincerity.

“Thanks, Cas,” Sam smiles, patting the angel's arm.

Sam leans back into the warmth when he feels Gabriel embrace him from behind. “See, Samoose, we missed you. And we'll help you out of that place in your mind that you're in right now. Okay, kiddo?”

“Okay,” Sam rasps, noticing his brother's curious yet accepting gaze. Dean seemed to approve ever since Gabe brought back Dean's boyfriend, his angel, his best friend. And when he brought back his son. Sam realized in that moment that even if something were to happen because of his cursed heart, at least he could make as many memories as possible. Starting right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! If you did, make sure to leave a comment and a kudos!! <3


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